Jammin’ it down to the Solstice

“Now is the time when my winter coat is at its fullest, yet my soul is still empty.”  —Henri, le Chat Noir

The Winter Solstice is upon us. It’s still over a week away, but I’ve got the slows, the blues, the grays, the crankies…

As a child way back in the last century, I never noticed much about December 21, other than it was my father’s birthday, and that it was kind of a bummer to have a birthday so close to Christmas. I grew up and marveled that the phases of the moon control the tides, and affect women’s fertility cycles and births of babies. A few more years flew by before I noticed the mood-altering effects of the seasons of the sun.

Standing Sun

That’s what solstice means. Standing sun-twice each year, for three days the sun seems to stand still on the horizon. That’s all fine and dandy if it happens to be the Summer Solstice, when days are long and warm, and nights are short and sweet.

I am severely annoyed if not traumatized that darkness now falls before the end of the day. During these last days jamming on down to the Winter Solstice,  I am nearly frantic sometimes about scarce daylight hours, and fret about the darkness through the longest nights of the year.

Meanwhile, my irritability quotient is on the rise, slowed only by the daily intake of cookies and chocolate, which coincidentally are everywhere. I’ve learned to give into it, all of it–the malaise of  winter darkness, the cookies, the chocolate. I surrender to winter’s dark lethargy while joking about my crankiness.  It passes, miraculously, this dark mood–about four days after the Winter Solstice.

Summer’s coming!

That’ll be my battle cry, come December 21. Daylight returns and I’ll be doing the happy dance again, irritability quotient almost back to normal. Neither snow, nor ice, nor chilly wind will blow this candle out. The added plus: there’ll still be cookies!

And that, Virginia, is why Christmas comes four days after the Winter Solstice. Gives everyone a chance to get into a better mood.

But until then….I’m a crosspatch. Cookies in one hand, chocolate in the other….

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#WW #FF #WTF? Twitter Thoughts

As I explained it to my mother, Twitter is like a superhighway comprising an infinite number of lanes that head in all directions. Over a half billion cars travel this highway, and they’re all honking their horns at once, 24 hours/day 7 days a week.

I Tweet You Tweet We All Tweet

The noise is deafening. Relentless, continuous chattering–554,750,000 registered users spouting a half million tweets at the rate of 6- 9,o00/second. (Click here for more Twitter statistics….)

Every day.

#WW #FF

Whatever that means. There is general agreement among us Twits that the second W refers to Wednesday. But what of the first W? Some say it’s Wacky, some say it’s Wet, some say it’s Writer’s. Wicked Wednesday, maybe?

Friday it’ll be #FF. Fast Friday? Freaking Friday? Finally Friday? Oh, yeah..it’s FOLLOW FRIDAY!

#WTF?

Everyone knows what that means. But seriously, wtf?

Whether it be #WW, #FF #MM (Monday, Monday?) what does it all mean? Well, as I told it to my mother, #WW and #FF are days of Mutual Admiration, where we honor and mention each other for RT’ing, following, SO’s and etc. I might tweet: #WW @YouRock, @MinnieTheMoocher, @EroticPancreas, @Nauseum…thanks for the follow!

Some overachievers–and I have been one–will tweet several #WW’s, because there’s that 140 character limit and I have many Twits to thank. After the #WW posts, @YouRock, @MinnieTheMoocher, @EroticPancreas, @Nauseum all retweet it to all their followers, who may retweet it to all their followers.

No #WW, No Cry

I’m totally grateful for any mention or attention I get on Twitter; far be it from me to complain about that. But, the Twitter traffic generated from these retweeted #WW’s–which really don’t say anything at all beyond a list of @What’sHerNames–is about as interesting and productive as a real-life traffic jam at rush hour in Denver.

I have adopted a new method for dealing with #WW, #FF tweets. Mention me? Instead of retweeting the #WW with a whole slew of @WhoAreYou, I’ll try to retweet something meaningful about you–from your profile, your tweets.

Make it easy on me.

Don’t make me search page after page of your RTing of everyone else to find the one tweet about YOU. Don’t make me compose something from your mini-bio on your profile page–I have x amount of time to spend on Twitter–I am happy to promote you, your book, your art, your diet plan, or your donuts. It’s OK to mention something you are doing a couple times a day in the midst of RTing everyone else. We are all here promoting ourselves, after all. Make it easy on me.

This blog by Alicia Cowan (@Absolute Alicia) gives fabulous advice on the whole #FF thing “Simple Twitter Tips: What Does #FF Mean?”

And  let’s cut down on that meaningless #WW, #FF chatter, eh?

First Crow, First Raven, First Human: Tan Me Hide and Teach Me to Sew

 

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First Crow and First Raven had gained a vast storehouse of learned experience in the eons they flew the skies of Earth, well before the first human took a bite of the first apple from the Tree of Knowledge. In the beginning, Raven especially got a big kick out of tricking these silly gullible creatures. They believed anything he said.
“Look! Over yonder, on the horizon! It is the Great Spirit!” Raven would call out and point with one wing. When the humans looked away, Raven swooped down upon them and stole their food. Time after time.

Crow and Raven grew quite fat; they lacked nothing due in large part not to Raven’s trickery, but also because humans were so astonishing wasteful.

“They wouldn’t have to work so hard at hunting and gathering if they didn’t waste so much food.” Crow beaked an eyeball from the severed head of a Big Hairy Beast and swallowed it in one gulp. “They leave so much on the ground for us, which I for one am dreadfully grateful, but if they were more efficient, their food would go further, and they would not have to struggle so to get more.”

“Don’t let them hear you say that!” Raven said, shushing Crow with his wings. He never could leave well enough alone, could not resist wanting to be helpful to these pitiful creatures.

“You see Cousin, in a perfect world, the amount of time we Corvid should spend obtaining food needs to be inversely proportional to the time humans do. That is my famous Inverse Proportionality Rule governing work. Remember? Let’s say they work twice as hard as they have to, which translates into us doing half the work we have. Eh, Cousin?”
Crow’s beady black eyes glazed over, and Raven knew his cousin was only barely listening. But he also needed to remind Crow that his interference in human affairs nearly always backfired. “In other words, dear Cousin,” he said, shaking Crow out of his daydreams of rescue and assistance, “the more they hunt and gather, the less we have to. If they start slacking off, we’ll have to find our own food. No, Cousin. Their wastefulness is our largesse. Think about it. And shut up, please. For the good of us all.”
Crow had always tried to be helpful to the foolish humans. For instance, after they’d hunted and killed the Big Hairy Beast, he had suggested they skin it.
“Why?” the Chieftain asked. “The skin is no good to eat. Too much fur. It is tough and hard to swallow. Even the dogs won’t eat it.”
“No,” Crow said, shaking his head. “You must skin the Beast before you cook him so that you can use his fur to keep yourselves warm.”
The humans stared at Crow, slack-jawed. They hadn’t thought of that; the fire in the spit always burned most of the hair off. They ate the meat, and threw the burnt hide back into the fire.
Crow taught the humans how to carefully slice through the hide up the Big Hairy Beast’s big belly and down the underside of its limbs. The humans learned how to scrape the inside of the hide with a rock, and Crow taught them to boil down the Big Hairy Beast’s brain, which would produce the preservative that would keep the hide from rotting or falling apart.

“You want the biggest pieces of hide you can get,” Crow told them. “Stitching a lot of small pieces together would be very labor-intensive.

“Stitching?” the Chieftain asked, scratching his aching head. “What is stitching?”
“You make needles from his bones, and laces from strips of his hide,” Crow instructed the humans exhaustively and in a day or so, they had managed to not only make a few bone needles, but to thread them as well with long thin strips of Big Hairy Beast hide.
“Now,” Crow said, nodding as the humans finished poking a line of holes through the edges of the hide, “you can attach pieces of hide together, just make sure the holes line up.”
He picked up a threaded needle in his beak and jammed the pointy end into the holes through the two layers of hide. The humans broke into a surprised outcry when they saw him reach underneath the hide and pull the needle through. After poking the needle in one side and out the other a few more times, Crow stood back and said, “And that, my friends, is stitching.”
The humans were sore amazed, but were also clever and deft with their hands, and they stitched together every piece of hide they could find. Soon the whole tribe had fur cloaks, and Crow was very happy to see them all warm and toasty.
To show their gratitude to Crow for bringing the gift of sewing, the humans gave him the head of the very same Big Hairy Beast whose hide they all wore. Crow lugged the head back to the tree in short flights punctuated with a drop to the ground to rest a few moments; the head was heavy and made it hard to fly very far. He dropped the hunk at the bottom of the tree Raven, who didn’t care as much for the company of humans as did his Cousin.
“Cousin,”Raven said after they’d feasted on Beast head, “I have to thank you for the tanning lessons you gave them.”
“Why, thank you! It is good to see the poor things fending off the cold,” Crow said, ever hopeful that compassion had awakened in his cousin’s heart.
“Yes, well that too, I reckon,” Raven replied as he picked small bits of flesh from his feathers. “But the stench of burning Big Hairy Beast hair made me gag.”
And so the great partnership of humans and Corvus continued. As the years went by, Crow and Raven taught the naked and ignorant humans everything they needed to know to survive on Earth.